those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
