i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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