My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
