I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
