Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
