He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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