Got a toothbrush?
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
