White coat. Heels.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
