Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
