WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
