we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
