Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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