His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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