What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
