Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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