we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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