my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
