Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
pray to the hookup gods
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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