I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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