So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
