what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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