Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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