how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
