I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
