how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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