everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
