And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
