No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
