I hate your face
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
