woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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