she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
