it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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