i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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