We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
