Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
