Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
