I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
