1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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