did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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