So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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