What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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