***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
