She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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