Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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