nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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