ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
