i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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