Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
