Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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