I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
