Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
