Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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