Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
