He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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