Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
