well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
