Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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