umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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