Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
